Warning – My best friend spews at the worst times

little girls - best friendsMy best friend has a weak stomach. She tends to vomit at the worst times imaginable – causing public humiliation for me – as well as for her {I should think}.

My first experience with her publically displaying the contents of her stomach was when we both worked in the city.  We were on a train during the peak hour rush; of all places!  She hadn’t been well and the doctor had prescribed her penicillin.  We were in the back corner of a very crowded carriage and there was no way we could get off the express train.  She didn’t look good and kept turning pale, and was whispering to me “I think I’m going to be sick!” She started emptying her plastic bag that held her lunch and whisper-yells “I can’t hold on, it’s coming!” As her concerned friend, I told the people around us to … “Stand back, she’s going to barf!!” She grabbed the handles of her plastic bag, opened it, leaned her head in, then projectile vomits her breakfast in one long fat stream.  And what did the stupid commuters do that were near us?  They all leaned forward to get a good look!  When they saw the multi-coloured rainbow spewing forth, they jumped back horrified.  Serves themselves right.  I hoped they enjoyed the accompanying smell.  It surely cleared the carriage when the train stopped.

Then there’s her moment of fame in front of thousands of people …

My husband and I, with her and her boyfriend, went to the horse races for a famous racing day. She apparently ate an off dim sim from a vendor.  It didn’t take long before it needed to make a reappearance.  We had no idea where the toilets were, so she ran to what looked like a sink in the middle of the spectator area, and emptied her guts.  Oh no … it was a public drinking fountain, on a hot day!  How is it that you eat some dim sims, and bring up vegetable soup? We needed to take her home, and fast!

As we walked to the car park, she clenched her stomach with her hands and looked for a safe place to … well, you know … go again. She saw a grill on the ground and made a bee-line for it.  She just leaned forward and let go, in the standing position.  Unfortunately, a lovely picnic blanket was on the ground not far away, and a group of well dressed ladies looked at her and made comments about “disgusting drunk women”!

Imagine my horror when I looked up – to see this all happened in front of the main grand-stand, in front of thousands of people. Many of them were pointing, laughing, and I’m sure I even heard a round of applause for her.  Actually, a group of bogans even gave her a standing ovation.

In the car on the way home, she opened the window, leaned out on a crowded highway, and off she goes again! Carrots, bile, yellow-looking soup rolled down the side of my car, and sprayingly greeted all those that were behind us.

I try to be a compassionate best friend, really I do. But I suck at it!

© 2015 CEW

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