I lied in a job interview

Romantic vampire at beautys neckHave you even been interviewed for a position that you really, REALLY want? And they ask you a question that you know you CAN’T honestly answer or you may be judged – and not get the job? I have.

I was called in for a 2nd interview and this time it was with the CEO of a global company. We discussed my experience and we seemed to be getting along pretty well. I quite liked him and thought we would work great together. He then asked me …

“What do you like to do on weekends? Do you play any sports?”

Was the man blind? I looked down at my “robust” physique then stared him straight in the eye, trying to get the “cocked eyebrow” look but failed dismally, and said “Do I look like I play sports?” I’m not sure he knew what to say to that, so taking pity on him I said “I love to read.” {My body was made for reading more than sports.} I could almost see the relief on his face as he said “What sort of books do you read?”

OH. SHIVERS. I stayed silent for a moment, knowing I couldn’t possibly tell him the truth. What was I supposed to say? “Oh, I like vampire books where the wicked vampire sucks erotically on the poor damsel in distress’ throat, they fall in love, and live happy ever after … after he has his wicked way with her … on numerous occasions – of course.”

I replied slowly … “murder mysteries.” I imagine my voice slowed down and went high pitched at the end; so my response sounded more like a question … “mmmurder mysssteries???” He said “What are you reading at the moment?”   Oh crap, I couldn’t think of one single murder mystery – because I’d never read one in my life! I blabbed something about having a break from murder mysteries and remembered I’d downloaded a book months ago about the plight of the jews after the war, and I’d read the first chapter, so I mentioned this book.

I couldn’t believe what I’d done. I know that in itself it was probably not a huge deal, but at the end of the day, I evaded the truth. And I’m the sort of person that agonises over honesty, character and integrity.

I got the job but felt awful that I couldn’t answer that question and skirted the truth. I needed to make amends, so I did this …

I downloaded my first murder mystery … then I read it! I negated the lie, didn’t I?

Phew, close call.

Ok, ok.   So I will tell him the truth soon!! I promise.

© 2015 CEW

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What happens when you wear the wrong undies?

Dogs with surprised expressions on their faces

I should never have left the house without first checking that I had my good undies on.  Mum always said “make sure you’ve got good underwear on as you never know what could happen”.  I’ve heard that many older mothers say this in case we “get hit by a bus”.  As usual, I ignored my Mum.

I excitedly left home for my job interview at a major Bank and didn’t give any thought to my underwear.  I only cared about what I looked like on the outside.  {First impressions, you know!}

My interview went fantastic!  So much so, that I was immediately sent to a clinic to have a medical check.  I’d never had a medical examination for a job before so I had no idea what to expect.  Maybe an eye test, hearing test and blood pressure check?

I entered the doctors room.  After introductions were made the doctor stood up and said in his very thick foreign accent “I’m going outzide.  I vant you to get all yor clothez ov.  But leaf your panties and brazzz on, den get on di bed and pull de sheet up to here”  and he pointed to his chin.  {Translation in my head – strip off down to my knickers and bra, jump on the bed and pull the sheet up to my chin.}  Got it!  As soon as he left I hurried to get my clothes off, as I didn’t want him to walk in when I was bending over to get my socks off and be greeted by a um … horrid… sight.  But as I pulled my slacks off I noticed my undies.  I stared towards my own crotch in horror, mouth agape.

OH. MY. GOSH! They were not nice girly panties I was wearing. Oh No!  I would have stabbed myself in the temple with an ice pick if I had one handy just to get myself out of this predicament.  A few months ago I had bought my boyfriend some cheeky undies for Christmas but they were a bit small for him.  So instead of taking them back to the shop, I just put them in my own drawer.  And wore them on occasions.  Because I didn’t think anyone would ever know!!

But I reeeeally wanted this job.  So I quickly stripped down to my undies and “brazzz” and jumped onto the bed, pulling the crisp white sheet up to my chin. “At least he couldn’t see my undies” I thought.

The doctor walked in and approached the bed.  He pulled down the skin under my eyes and checked the sockets, felt the glands on my neck, felt the glands under my arms, and then attempted to raise the sheet.  I gripped on tightly.  He gave a little tug.  The sheet was lifted and he paused as he noticed my underwear.  He had very dark skin and his eyes widened to enormous white orbs which popped forward as he read the inscription on the front of my undies.

I closed my eyes, blocking out my utter humiliation and embarrassment.  But in my mind I could picture my very un-ladylike underwear.

On the front of my undies, now exposed to this doctor’s view, was a picture of a big brown rock.  Ok, it was really a massive boulder, with two enormous eyes on it.  And the words ….

            “Here lurks the big Whopper!”

I desperately hoped that a description of my underwear didn’t make it into the doctor’s notes or to my perspective employer.  At least I passed the medical exam and got the job!

Note to self (and others):  You should always wear nice underwear when you leave your house …. “just in case”.

© 2015 CEW
Originally posted on my old blog site