We terrorized her with an earthquake hoax

Cracked groundI’m a horrible daughter. And I have a tendency to lead my nieces and nephews astray.  I’m the bat-poop crazy aunt that all the kids love; the same aunty that terrifies their parents.  I’ve written blog posts about the atrocious things my children have done in the name of fun; and I’m starting to realise they may get it from me! If it’s genetic, it’s my parents fault, not mine.

One holiday weekend we were staying on my brother’s cattle farm in the Australian countryside. My mum has a caravan on his farm that she sleeps in when we visit.  It gives her peace and quiet away from all of her grandkids, as she’s now in her 70’s.

I took the kids shopping one day, and on the way back to the farm, I told them stories about how Nanny was “absolutely terrified” of earthquakes. They were all roaring with laughter.  It was during this trip that I hatched a clever scheme … one that would give us all a good laugh if it went according to plan.  I devised that when Nanny went for her afternoon nap in the caravan, I would gather the kiddies all together and we would surround the caravan, then start gently rocking it from side to side.  I had them convinced that if it woke Nanny up, she would think it was an earthquake!  I had them in hysterics in the car, and they were begging me to “do it today Aunty Cath!”

It just so happened that as soon as we arrived back on the farm … you guessed it … Nanny was in the caravan, fast asleep.

I gathered all the children around me like a mother hen and told them that even though they were laughing hysterically, we had to be very quiet or Nanny would know it was us!  One of the oldest children’s job was to hide behind the car and use their mobile phone to film Nanny coming out of the caravan. The rest of them then surrounded the van, and I had my burly strong sons on the corners to get that van a rockin’.

I counted … one, two, three, GO! … and they put their shoulders to the metal sides and put all the strength their little bodies could muster into starting a rhythm. It began to gently sway, then the biggest grandkids got that van shaking from side to side.  They were red-faced and having the time of their lives.  We heard a noise inside, but true to their word, they kept that van rocking.

Suddenly – the caravan door burst open, and Nanny flew through the opening screaming “E A R T H Q U A K E!”.  She ran down the steps and bolted for her life, completely disoriented.  By this time, the kids were screaming with laughter.  Nanny saw the older child duck behind the car with their camera in hand, and as she looked around and gathered her bearings, noticed her beloved grandchildren’s heads popping around the caravan, all roaring and screaming with laughter and love, having the time of their lives.

She put her hands on her hips, and bellowed at the top of her lungs … “CATHY!”

Why do I get the blame for everything? And how did she know it was me?

© 2015 CEW

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The stunning males of the animal kingdom

beautiful blue wren on window sill“Tap, tap, tap.”   I listened intently to ascertain where the sound was coming from, only to realise it was on my bedroom window. {Was Husband Romeo trying to get my attention?}  I sneakily peaked through the curtains and saw two little birds hopping around and merrily pecking at their reflections. I quietly opened my curtains wide and sat on the carpet, watching them for ages.  And with my tinted windows, they couldn’t see me at all!

I had no idea what species they were, and after a little investigating, discovered they were “blue wrens”; and would you believe that the stunning blue one was the male! {What the?}

I looked at these gorgeous birds and thought my facts must be wrong.  The pretty one would be female, surely.  Nope.  It was definitely the male.  And I realised that there are other animals where the male is the strikingly attractive, spunky, gorgeous piece of work, and the female … well … just isn’t!  At least I’m not the only plain looking female on the planet.   {Poor bloody animals.}  Is this God’s sense of humour at work?  If so, then I don’t think He’s funny at all.

fancy peacockLook at the peacock, for example, compared to the peahen (yes, a female peacock is called a peahen).

The male is all electric stunning colour with co-ordinated feathers. And he wiggles and waves his fail feathers to catch a female’s attention.  Bleedin’ show off.  He’s a chick magnet and he knows it.

peahen with peachicksThe female is … well … not really that memorable. Mind you, this poor hen is probably exhausted from looking after her brood of “peachicks” all day, while her other half is busy preening himself into immaculate glory.

Then there’s lions.

majestic lionOhhh laa laaaaaa, check out the majestic beauty of this powerful male beast!  He has an incredible coiffed hair do.  And he knows it too.  Look at his proud “I know I’m beautiful” look.  He wakes up with hair like this.  It’s his bed hair!  I wake up in the morning with a witchy-poo-fuzz-ball that sticks up on one side, wraps around my head to be plastered to the side of my face and is accessorised with a drool clump.

lionessCompare now the lioness. Oh hooray, I do have something in common with her.  Bloody chin hairs!  I know how this poor mumma feels.

{Long drawn out sign …}

So back to my beautiful blue wrens …

They have been pecking at my window every day for a few weeks now. Husband and Sons look out for them, and we can get very close without them knowing we are only a few inches away.  They must have their nest in a tree on my front lawn.

Unfortunately … we are not the only ones who have noticed them!

cat looking at birds on window sill

© 2015 CEW

 

My first big, bold and beautiful tattoo!

beautiful tattoo of rose and clock

I did it!  MY FIRST TATTOO

Big, bold and utterly beautiful … I love it!

What it means to me …

  • The clock represents time … the most beautiful “times” in my life, when my two sons were born
  • There are 4 hands, representing the times my boys were born, 4.32 and 11.40
  • The one red rose represents one family, and “Love”
  • I have my sons names tattooed on each side of the clock {which I Photoshopped out to protect them, as they would hate me broadcasting their names on my blog}

Did it hurt?  Oh yeah, it hurt like hell

Would I do it again?  You betcha

Where’s my husband’s name?  Well, if he ever trades me in for a younger model I don’t want his name on me!  Okay, I will get his name somewhere … soon

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

© 2015 CEW

 

What do Aussies really think of Halloween?

pumpkin with glowing eyesDo you really want to know what most Australians think of Halloween?  OK, you asked for it!  We think it’s … stupid!

Maybe it’s because we just do not understand it. Most of my Blog Followers are from the USA and Canada, so I apologise up front if I’ve offended you.  Here’s your opportunity to sock it to me – and educate me.

I am always prepared at home on Halloween night though. But not with candy.  Not with decorations.  Not with a skeleton sitting on my veranda in an old rickety rocking chair.  Not with fake cobwebs strewn over the front door.  Oh nooooo.

I prepare myself like this:-

I speed up the driveway and park in the garage, running to close the garage door in a weird running-crouchy position before any of the little witches and ghosts walking up the street see me.

In my home I shut all of my curtains and blinds. I turn the TV down so the house seems silent.  I tell the boys “If anyone knocks on the door, DON’T ANSWER IT! I’m pretending we’re not home.”

When Husband arrives home I usher him into the house and warn him with angry wife eyes “don’t make a sound!”

Are you getting the picture?  I’m like Ray Romano when his parents come to visit in “There’s something about Raymond”.  {Love that show!}

I don’t understand how …

We tell our kids never to speak to strangers or “accept lollies off strangers” – paedophile alert and all. So why is it ok for them to knock on strangers doors and get treats from them at Halloween?  I’d be terrified with terrorism that it’s a perfect way to attack Westerners – by handing out poisoned sweets.

Nope – not for me.

So last night was Halloween, and I ignored every knock at the door – the whole 3 of them! I guess it really was a “trick” to those trick and treaters.

So my answer to the little goblin’s question of “Trick or Treat” is this … “TRICK” … as I really was home!  Mwa  Mwa Mwaaaaaaaaaa {evil laugh}

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© 2015 CEW

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