Why do other drivers hate me? Why does my family call me “The driver from hell”? I don’t speed, I always check twice, I make sure when I stop I can see the wheels of the car in front of me – what’s wrong with everyone? They all say it’s because …
I’m the driver that plods along the freeway in a 100km zone, sitting on 80, oblivious to what’s happening around me, singing and trilling to my little heart’s content. When other drivers pass me blasting their horn and giving me the bird, I think “I must know them” and cheerily wave back. Then I see spittle squirting out of a purple mottled face and wonder what their problem is. Then I notice my speedo and think “Oops, I did it again.”
I’m the one that was driving on a long dark road at night and couldn’t see a single car in front of me. When I looked in my rear vision mirror I noticed a mile long row of headlights behind me and said to my sons, “Wow, look at all the traffic behind us, there must be an accident somewhere.” Then sons blasted me and said “It’s YOU Mum. You are SO embarrassing, drive faster!” And I sing to them … “Oops, I did it again.”
I’m the one that was driving the boys home from school one day, ever so relaxed in pixie land, when a bicycle went past my car. The rider screaming at me through my open window “I can bloody well ride faster than you lady!” Sons ducked down hoping no-one recognised them.
I’m the one that was driving through a 40km work zone, and I noticed a police car stuck in the traffic on the opposite lane and he started waving his hands in the air at me and flashing his headlights. I said to sons “Oooh, look at that nice policeman waving at me.” Son said “Slow down Mum, he’s abusing you and trying to get your attention. If he had room to turn around he’d come after us.” Well, that was a new one.
I’m the one that pulled out into speeding traffic but refused to speed with the rest of the lunatics. I got followed by an irate driver tooting his horn and flashing his headlights trying to get past me, but I refused to speed or pull over, I wasn’t going to break the law! In fact, I got a wee bit giggly. You should have seen his face through my rear view mirror, he looked like an enraged grizzly bear with his face squashed up against his windscreen and his mouth opening and closing like he was trying to catch an invisible snapper. When I stopped at the traffic lights and he pulled up beside me he wound down his window and was screaming abuse at me and using words my poor little ears had never heard. I gave him the biggest smile I could and waved back like a ditzy baa-lamb and said “Jesus loves you!” He started throwing things at me out of his car window. My son nearly got hit in the head by a cigarette lighter!
What’s wrong with people? I think other drivers hate me because I’m a good law abiding citizen. Time for a new song …
“Doh, a deer, a female deer, ray, a drop of golden suuuuuuun…..”
Image courtesy of: Freepik