What the hell is that on the floor?

Long brown balancing rock formationMaybe we had altitude dementia? Or maybe not. But at 3.00 am at 36,000 feet on a long flight back to Australia, my sister and I went absolutely stir crazy. Huddled under our little blankets giggling our noggins off, we woke our Dad sitting in front of us, as well as other passengers in our vicinity. We couldn’t help it. Have you ever tried to stifle hysterics? It only makes you laugh harder. That was us.

My sister needed to go to the toilet, and if you’ve ever used an aeroplane toilet and you are female, it’s not fun. If you are a male, I suggest you try this so you know what I’m talking about …

  • Grab a cactus in a pot and put it on the roof of your car on a gravel road, and have your mate ready to accelerate behind the wheel. (Not that a toilet seat is a cactus, but the pain of sitting in someone else’s urine puddle comes mighty close for a woman!)
  • Climb onto the roof of the car.
  • Now pull down your pants – no part of your clothing can touch the floor or it becomes soaked in a complete stranger’s filthy DNA. So you need to balance the clothing between your knees and ankles.
  • Now squat backwards and hover your nether-region just above the cactus, trying not to let your dangly bits touch the prickles.
  • Now … yell out to your mate to hit the accelerator on that bumpy road.
  • Then stay in that position for 30 seconds!

Now you know what it’s like for a woman going to the toilet in an aeroplane. Anyway, back to my story …

So my sister goes to the toilet and the “occupant” forgot to lock the door. She walks in to see a poor Indian lady “hovering” in the above position. She looks at my sister with sheer terror on her face as Sister quickly reverses and shuts the door. She scurries to the next toilet.

Now it’s my sister’s turn to be in the “hovering” position. Whilst suspended in that state she notices a vile stench permeating the cubicle. She can feel bile bubbling in her innards, but manages to hold it in. “What is that smell? It’s not coming from me”, she thinks. She looks around the tiny room and her eyes focus on an object on the floor. She focuses on the “log”. It’s a big brown turd! Just resting there. On its lonesome. She can’t help it and she starts laughing uncontrollably. She pictures this …

A poor soul high above the midnight clouds. Hovering over the same toilet in the same cubicle. And just when their “object” was about to leave their body, turbulence strikes! And the “object” starts swinging like a pendulum. Left. Right. Left. And all of a sudden it’s hanging by a point mid-swing, and then it’s released! It flings off and somersaults over the top of the stainless-steel bowl and lands on the floor. Intact.

My Sister runs back to our seat with her hand over her mouth. By the time she tells me her story, we are both out of control. We have gone mad. We are over-tired!

It was the funniest way to end our 4 weeks abroad.

© CEW 2015

He should be arrested for this!

Man wearing black business sock white shoes and shortsI thought it was just our local priest who wore socks and sandals.  I’d sit in church and notice Father Joe’s feet and think it was a statement in humility, that “Maybe he was trying to dress like Jesus”.  But I think not now.  It think it’s just … men.  I don’t mean to offend the male species but do they lose their dress sense as they lose their hair?

I include my own husband in this category now.  His hair is thinning as his fashion sense is waning.  This picture I’ve posted is my husband and how he wears his socks some weekends.  I kid you not!  I’d look down at his ridiculous pulled-up business socks with shorts and say in a high pitched squeak “Are you serious?”  He’d look down and say “What?”

I posted this photo of his calf-length black socks and weird-white-pointy-walking shoes accessorised with his nice big shorts on Facebook once and asked my friends “Is it just my husband, or do others have no idea either?”  The response was that my female friends felt my agonising paaaain.  And my male friends?  They couldn’t see anything wrong with it!

One humiliating week day my husband went to pick our teenage sons up from high school. He turned up early, got out of his car and leaned back onto the hood with his arms crossed in a relaxed pose.  Slick … except he was clod in his customary black socks pulled up his pins with his long black billowing shorts and white pixie shoes!   Son No. 2 and a friend walked out of class and noticed his Dad … in his “pet” socks.  Son quickly glanced left and right and contemplated a quick getaway. His friend laughed and said “Isn’t that your Dad?”  Son hesitated and almost denied him.    But instead {long slow sigh} “Yep … that’s him”.

So I ask you.  Is it just me or should this look be illegal? What is it with men and socks?

© 2015 CEW

Originally posted on my old blog site

How to pay the “Reblog” blessing forward

Master Yoda holding a Reblog ButtonToday my blog site “views” went up three-fold! Why? Because one of my Followers, that little voice, Reblogged my post. I am so grateful that I’d like to pay the Reblog blessing back … and then forward!

But firstly, I want to thank Jason Cushman over at A Good Blog Is Hard To Find. Jason Reblogged my 1st post on Cat in the Cactus a few months ago and helped to give my new site a little kick start. I’ve been Following him, and it is through his generous Reblogging of so many people’s posts that I’ve met some fantastic bloggers, and now I want to give back to others what he has freely given to me. I’m calling it paying it back and forward, which means not just taking what someone else has freely given then paying it back, but then doing the same for someone else, in the hope that it really blesses them.

So …

Once a week I will Reblog one of your posts (from my Followers list) with the hope that the views and Followers on your site go up too and make your day.  Hopefully you will meet some new friends along the way, as I have. I’m hoping you will be happy to then Reblog one of my posts too (your choice) and Reblog one of your other Follower’s posts. Paying it back and/or paying it forward”!

Here’s a call out to my Followers (both old and new) – If you have a favourite post that reflects the essence of your blog, you are welcome to send me a link so I can have a read, or I will just surprise you and Reblog something I love from your site anyway.

I’m starting off my Reblog tomorrow; with a post from that little voice, to say “thank you” (your Reblog made my day), followed up by one from A Good Blog Is Hard To Find next week.

I look forward to reading your blogs. It may take me a while to get through my list of Followers, but I’m going to do my darndest to Reblog a post from all of you {gulp}!

All the best with your Blogging and Reblogging! May the force be with you …

© 2015 CEW

How to be the shopper from hell and be proud of it!

Happy lady shopper carrying bagsHusband decided many years ago that he couldn’t stand going shopping with me. Son1 has jumped on this bandwagon. Son2 laughs hysterically when he learns of my “episodes”. I don’t really see what all the hoo-haa is about. I stand up, I speak up, and I stick up for myself. And … I’m proud of it!

Here are my 3 assertive shopping rules that I practice on a regular basis, saving myself lots of money; and saving myself from salmonella.  I wish I could say the same for  Husband’s sanity.

** Remember your prices and speak up when items scan incorrectly **

I bought a bottle of olive oil that was on sale for $3.99, but when I scanned the bar code it came up as $4.00. I told the store assistant that it scanned wrong, and I wanted it sorted out. She looked at me as if I had lost my marbles. She said $3.99 and $4.00 is the same thing.”  “No it’s not” I said. There’s 1 cent difference.” She said Are you telling me that you are doing this for 1 cent?”  Oh, I just love it when I am challenged. I’m a person who operates on principles, and this was about the principle of the 1 cent! But … I’m not totally doing this for 1 cent. I replied …

Oh no, I’m actually doing this for $3.99. Because when you do your price check, and realise I am right, you must then give me the oil for free. I wouldn’t say a thing for 1 cent, but I’m about to save myself around $4.00!”

She did her price check, and yes, the customer (moi) was right. Not many people care about remembering the price of items in their grocery trolley. But I do. And I call them out on at least 1 mistake they make almost weekly. And every time, I get the item for free. (It’s law in Australia.) Even a $30 DVD scanned wrong when my boys were younger, and I got that for free too. I save myself $hundreds$ each year!

** Don’t let anyone get away with poor hygiene **

Every hot day when I picked my boys up from school I went through the Hungry Jacks drive through to get them a treat – an ice cream cone. The assistant would, without gloves on, hand me the cones then collect the money with the same hand. How gross! I knew that they were supposed to put paper/cardboard around the cone and not handle it with their germed up money grubby hands. Every time I pointed this out, and refusing to take the ice creams, I’d say “Can you please get me two more cones, and this time, wrap the cones in paper the way your store policy says it should be done, and don’t break food handling laws?” Yep, it worked every time. One day as she was coming towards the open window with the 2 cones she stopped, saw it saw me, turned around to throw the cones away of her own accord, and I heard her say Oh shit, it’s her again!” She came back with 2 cones wrapped in paper. Haha, now isn’t that a cracker?

Ever asked for a cup of tea at a canteen, and watched as the worker squeezes out your teabag with her fingers? Saw this once too.

Oh yeah, and the time I was in a restaurant and my sister found a fly in her Chinese. It’s amazing that with a table of 14 people, my sister and I got all of our food and coffee for free that night. It pays (literally) to speak up.

So don’t be afraid to speak up on hygiene. Salmonella food poisoning and the spreading of diseases may be avoided if more people stood up and spoke up.

** Make businesses accountable for false claims **

This carpet is so exclusive to our store, that if you find it anywhere else, we will carpet your house for free!”  I actually feel sorry for the salesman who said this to me. Because it was now game on! I found the carpet elsewhere, then excitedly returned to the store with my great find, and asked when they could carpet my house for free. This is a round I didn’t win, because I couldn’t prove the salesman said it and I didn’t have enough knowledge and wisdom about how to take this matter further. However, the Manager rang to say the salesman only said it to highlight the exclusivity of their product {which obviously wasn’t really exclusive}, and he said it wouldn’t happen again. If I was older and wiser when this happened, I would have taken this matter further and possibly gotten my house carpeted for free.

It’s not okay to make false claims about products and services, and we all need to speak up to stop companies doing “whatever they can” to get sales. Luckily, most countries have laws established now to protect consumers.

Do you think I’m the shopper from hell? Maybe. But it’s a mantle I wear with pride.

© 2015 CEW

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