Hissy Fit Frenzy

Bull looking over back fence says Dont Mess With MeWarning: Do not read this post if you want to believe I am a nice controlled Christian woman. Because you will be sorely disappointed. This is the first occasion in my adult life where I have had a crazy uncontrolled hissy-fit frenzy. It may have something to do with “that time” of my life. Or not. Maybe it was just a bad tempered me.

I came home late from work on a Thursday night (about 11.00pm) and as I drove up the drive-way I heard the doof doof doof of VERY loud music. “If that’s my boys, I will wring their bleedin’ necks” I thought. But it wasn’t, there was a party happening over our back fence … on a Thursday night?? When we all have work the next day??

My husband said he’d already told them to turn down the music and they did. For 5 minutes. He said to me “You’ll have to do something about that music”. Me?? That’d be right. They all whinge when my assertive head emerges, yet call on it when the tough stuff has to be done and they don’t want to do it themselves. Yes, the three men of my house turn to the woman when the “big guns” have to come out.

But I refused. They could deal with it … for once.   They didn’t.

When I was in bed at around midnight, something happened to my little tired annoyed brain. Doof doof doof. It was getting louder! My eyes snapped open, staring at the darkened ceiling. I felt my arm lift up of its own accord and it slowly pulled the doona back. I arose; like a sleeping vampire that had finally tasted its first sip of blood and felt life pulsing through its system – and it was about to be let loose.   I put my glasses on. I put my slippers on. And walked to my back door. I opened it, and left it opened. Like a sleepwalker I moved towards the back fence. I climbed as high as I could. I scanned the crowd of nicely dressed young adults. Nobody had seen me. Yet.

I breathed in deeply and inflated my lungs to maximum capacity, then bellowed like a roaring hormonal beastie … “EXCUUUUUSE MEEEE!”  Doof doof.   I said it again. And again! Finally, the crowd of gaping young people had noticed the big woman towering over the back fence, bed-hair-bun piled crookedly and sliding down her head like a mammoth testicle (I haven’t perfected the messy bun look), in her billowing baby blue floral pyjamas, with the bright orange ear plug sticking out of one ear. I was glad about their shocked expressions. I had their utmost attention now, didn’t I? I should have realised that the two long loose escaped tendrils of my curls were not the only things that seemed to be swinging over the back fence. But I didn’t.

I pointed at two girls “YOU TWO, TURN THAT MUSIC OFF!” They didn’t move. “NOOOOOWWWWW!” They ran for their lives. The music stopped. I pointed to another “YOU! GO AND TELL THE OWNER OF THE HOUSE TO COME HERE – NOW!” I found I couldn’t stop. I seriously couldn’t stop. They were all looking at me. “WE HAVE TO GET UP AT 5AM IN THE MORNING. DID YOU HEAR MEEEE?? 5. BLOODY. O’CLOCK!” Yep, I lost it big time and even swore; much to my shame. I think I said a couple more sentences along the same lines, but I can’t even remember now. Two young men suddenly ran towards me with their arms reaching up.

They were jumping up and down with their hands extended towards me, telling me to calm down, it would be alright, and the music would stop now. As I was screeching at them like a crazed banshee I must have been trying to get closer to them; and these two heroic young men ran to stop me toppling into their garden bed. That would not have been a good sight for the young man on his 21st birthday. The old lady (compared to their age), with her head buried in their garden bed, with floral clad blue legs kicking in the air.   {Shudder}

A sense of peace then enveloped me. I calmly said “Thank you”. And like a retreating meerkat, my head descended, never to be seen again.

I now have to live with the shock (and terrible embarrassment and guilt) about what made me act like that. I’m supposed to be a Christian. Can people really go “crazy” and act out of character? Or is it our real character that breaks out because we can’t control it in a moment of weakness and vulnerability? I just don’t know.

Being a Christian now means I will need to make this right, somehow. An apology is in order, me thinks. Damn it.
©2015 CEW

 

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31 thoughts on “Hissy Fit Frenzy

  1. We all have these moments. I absolutely love the way you wrote this. Hopefully it will make you feel better to know that you made someone (me) smile by sharing this fantastically honest tale.

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    • Aww, thank you! I’m not one of these Christians who think’s she does no wrong. I got a LONG way to go, but hey, we’re all mums doing the best we can. I know you get that as I’ve read your posts! C.

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    • You are exactly right Debbie! And I’m the sort of Christian who understands when I need to “grow” more. We certainly walk a narrower path to most, and when we stray, there’s always a way forward. All the best on your journey too. Thanks for commenting!

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  2. It’s a good thing I wasn’t drinking any coffee while I read this because I would have spit it all out from laughing! Oh my gosh! You are quite the storyteller 🙂

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  3. Now tell me why you would have to apologize? Over here, during the week, the music has to be indoor volume starting 10pm. Weekends it’s 11pm. I usually tell them to start with turning the bass down which does heaps and they can still keep the volume up slightly. Anyway. I think they should apologize and not you. After all it was midnight on a weekday and you should consider your neighbors. But that’s just me 😉 I would probably make sure that the relationship doesn’t go sour too, head over there and invite them for coffee and talk about it again. But apologize???

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  4. Hahaah! I loved the way you narrated the incident! 😀 That boy will never forget his 21st birthday, thanks to you! I really don’t think you need to apologize, infact if anyone has to apologize it has to be them. By the way, baby blue floral pajamas? Sounds soo cute! 😀

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  5. Loved your story telling Cathy. It always makes me chuckle and I can just imagine the scene. I do love the fact that the men in your life leave the assertive stuff to you. My husband cringes when I speak up but sometimes it just has to be said! Love your heart though!

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  6. I have to say that I’m proud of you…good job! Any loud noises after 10 pm is just plain rude (unless, of course, you were invited to the party!) So I say “Bravo” – no apologies necessary 🙂

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  7. Haha! I did that same kind of thing once. But I wasn’t in my p’jammies. And it was in daylight. And I was in college (OMG, I was about the same age as the neighbor college-guys making the noise!) Trying to take a few zzzz’s between classes and work and those neighbor-guys are outside my window hanging out . . . being extremely loud. I opened the window and shouted, very aggressively, for them to shut the freak up.

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  8. This is so hilarious and rings so familiar to me. I have also had myself a little hissy fit recently. The guy who lives above us is the worst human being on this planet, and after many sleepless nights, I just snapped. I was in my pajamas, no bra, hair everywhere, and I just lost it. I barged upstairs and pounded on his door, yelling obscenities. I am NOT proud of myself, because in that moment he was the better person. However, we are all human and we all have breaking points. Most people snap when their sleep is compromised. I am one angry bear when woken up needlessly. You are still a good person and a good Christian. BECAUSE you don’t do those things all the time, neither do I. I felt immediately ashamed of myself, and I bet you did too (and somewhat triumphant, too). You are allowed to be an angry mama bear ocassionally!

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    • OMG Katie … we are so much alike it’s freaky! You exactly described how I felt in your reply. I love that you didn’t have a bra on either hahaha! Oh, what we do when we are tired.
      I’m following “Carrots in my Carryon” now because of you. I will have to go and check out her posts based on your recommendation. You must have a “thing” for “C” words … Carrots in my Carryon and Cat in the Cactus!! Haha

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      • We are SO alike! I think it’s why I love reading your blog. When I read your writing, it’s like I wrote it! It’s crazy! Carrots in my Carryon is so similar to you! You will love her stuff! You guys both rock! I must have a thing for “c” words!!! LOL!

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